I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
