I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
