She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
