Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
