mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
