were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
