No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
