He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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