Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
