spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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