i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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