yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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