i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Rumble strips road head = magical
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
