Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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