he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
