i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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