I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
