Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
