the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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