Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
