you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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