He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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