I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
