Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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