Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
