I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
