elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
