anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
