I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
