If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
