Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
