I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
