Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
