Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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