I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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