do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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