He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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