I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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