Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My vagina just clenched in fear
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