I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
