What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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