Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Enjoy the penises
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
