i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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