its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
