I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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