my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
