You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
