I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
