VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
