I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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