i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
As shirtless as possible
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
