i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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