Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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