I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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