they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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