I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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