my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
